Lillith Live at 8!

"Dorge, I'm just saying."

Freeze camera. Atta with her mouth open, more admonishment poised to pour out. Early afternoon, lunch getting cold on my desk. The red light lit-not lit on the phone. Me making the I-don't-want-to-talk-about-this-anymore face, coupled with hand gesture. Today was supposed to be simple. Today was supposed to be good. Today took a turn at Lillith Live! Thursday Mornings at 8!

LL: Good morning all you rockstars, rar! This morning, as promised, blogger Dorge Kas joins us for the first time and hopefully not that last, be gentle, Callers! Dorge, lay it on us, you're burning up the blogosphere with a readership that goes up, up, up and away! How's that feel?

DK: Uh..erm. Great. Great! Yeah, sometimes I can't even believe it.

LL: Dorge, how does this stuff come to you? Take us inside that head of yours and let's look around.

DK: Well, sometimes it just comes, you know? Others...other times, I just have to start writing and kinda turn off? Just let it come? I think that's why there's a little bit of everything on there, on the blog? I dunno, I guess some people like that about it and others don't.

LL: Take us through some of the more popular posts...we've gotten a lot of traffic ever since we announced you'd be on, and many have posted questions about "Book Club" for one, "Superman Direct Deposits" and "goes on inside" just to name a few.

DK: Ah, "Book Club" that one, I just wanted to go somewhere dark, explore something that is...ahm...not pleasant? No one wants to think that they would actively deny someone something. I don't like to think that about myself and I just wanted to go into it and see why I felt that way, why I would, why anyone would deny the aide of someone. I'm sorry, does that make sense?

LL: [laughs] You tell us, Dorge. So you're saying what happens in "Book Club" really happened? To you?

DK: More or less, yes. But even so I feel I should be able to write what I want...it would be a disservice to the reader to dress it up in some way. I'm not a good person, I mean. I'm not a bad person, I'm just saying I'm not going to get any awards for...ah...community service.

LL: Are all of your posts taken from life?

DK: To an extent, some are. I mean, some are completely fictitious, utterly. Then some have a small element of truth or are completely. But they all come from somewhere, I mean, they have to. But, I'm not going to go down the list and say what is and what isn't. Besides, I mean...lies left out in the sun that long just have a habit of becoming true, right?

LL: I don't know if I've ever heard it put quite like that, but that's part of the charm you bring to the blog, right? Now, another topic everyone wants to know more about: Atta! Let's talk about her.

DK: Ok, Atta? She's great. I really don't think Mods could get along without her. She's probably listening so, she knows all that. She brings a lot to the table.

LL: Riiiiiiight, Dorge, but really? Give us a little more to go on.

DK: I'm not sure what you mean by that, but I'm pretty sure Atta doesn't want me telling all her secrets on the air.

LL: Painting quite the demure picture for all our listeners out there, Dorge. Ok. Another subject. It's been eight months since the editor of O-A-D-S killed himself. Dorge, can we go back to that day?

DK: [clears throat]

LL: Dorge?

DK: It was a, it was unexpected. We were all really shocked and we reached out, Mods reached out to Oads, rivals or not. It was totally out of the blue and...but we're happy that, what I mean is, we respect that Orbital Anvil Drop Station was able to go on. No, it hasn't been quite the same, but they're still going strong over there and I just hope that that continues.

LL: Ever thought about it?

DK: Who hasn't? .....Is there something wrong?

LL: No, that's just our producer waving his arms meaning: Different Subject. Right, Dorge, sometimes your blog can go into the political, and the numbers just jump when you do that, I'm looking at the stats here. Why not do that all the time?

DK: Sometimes I think about doing that, but really I think the fires need to settle in between there. Do something humorous or sci-fi and only [explicative] about Wal-Mart every other month or so. I don't want to polorize my readership. I just need eyeballs. And, yes, the numbers do jump but I need a steady flow, not...

LL: Not angry commenters?

DK: Angry commenters have their place. Actually we're always thrilled to get comments, negative or positive. Comments are currency in my game.

LL: Ok. Dorge, we're going to turn it over to the phone lines, are you comfortable with that? Take a few calls and see what happens?

DK: Sure, that sounds fine.

LL: Caller One, you're on the air!

C1: Lillith, love the show! Dorge, I really liked "Segmented" but it looks like you've stopped with that line all together. Any chance you'll go back to that in the future?

DK: There aren't any plans to do that right now, but I don't think it'll be taken completely off the table.

LL: Thanks! Now let's hear from Caller Two.

C2: Lillith, I just wanna give a shout out to my crew back at Jasian Station! Woooooo!

LL: Caller Three!

C3: Dorge, who's got your vote this year? Is the country going Republican?

DK: Not on my watch! My vote's for Obama, next caller?

C4: Yeah, what's with Alabama deporting people?

DK: Well, a state can't deport people, first of all. But Alabama and Georgia are trying to pass legis- [coughs] excuse me, legislation that would make it hard on illegal aliens to ah...hold property, conduct business, so on.

C4: Well, if there's an immigration problem, wouldn't those laws be a good thing?

DK: Yeah, if you're a [explicative] idiot! What is this, Munich circa '42? [Southern drawl] I say, where are your papers, boy? No, this is not a good idea and really just resets any type of image overhaul the South has been trying to do. And, by trying I mean maybe get rid of the [explicative] Rebel flag. Hey, Lincoln did the right thing way back when, but hell, now? Let'em succeed. I mean, we can't get along without Georgia? Let 'em go, then place crazy tarriffs on their exports. What'a they got? Peaches, right.

LL: Caller five!

C5: Any chance of a sequeal to "iPhantom"?

DK: No! Caller five! I mean six, Caller Six!

C6: First off, Dorge, I hate Wal-Mart!

DK: Yes!

C6: Dorge, forcing contraceptives? Good or bad?

DK: Listen, contraceptives aren't being forced, it's just that an employer must make them available to their employees as part of their health care. The whole big deal about it is that the Catholic Church doesn't think it should be forced to do this because it's against their beliefs. And, I can see that, there's argument there, sure. I believe in a hard line separation between church and state and this is sort've a gray area for me. Then everyone, well, the Right, goes off on a tangent that Obama's having a war agasint religion. Because he's Muslim, which he isn't. And if he were? Who gives a [explicative]? Back to point. Yes, if you must provide healthcare to an employee, then yes, you should have to provide all healthcare, all the healthcare that is mandated by...ah...current policies. We've done pretty good, as a nation, promoting contraceptives, but we could be doing better. I mean, we're over in India, telling them that these gigantic families they're so fond of is probably a bad idea and we can't do that here? I mean, we have a population problem as it is. The world has this problem and we think contaceptives are a bad idea? I mean, I'd write it into my religious philosophy if I had a herd of sheep to lead. We need a "hum do, hamare do" policy here, like they do in India.

LL: That's our time here on Lillith Live! Thank you Dorge, promise to come back?

DK: You got it, Lillith.




Back to present, where we find my lunch still getting cold and Atta telling me if I'm going to say things like "hum do, hamare do" on the radio I should know how to pronounce it first. She's also going to tell me she's tired of all the calls Mods has recieved since this morning concerning me referring to Christians as a "herd of sheep", or so that's how some listeners saw it. And apparently someone from Alabama's Secretary of State's office has already called twice.