Brown Code

It's funny how I can think of so many things to write about during the day, but once I get home it's all gone. Entering my house must be like taking a sedative, when I'm here, I don't feel like doing much.
I can barely get anything read, I start to fall asleep three pages deep. It's probably because I don't read until I'm ready to go to bed, and so I must've made reading into a sleep trigger for my brain. I once read a particularly long billboard and ran my car along twenty feet of guardrail. The billboard made some quasi-political statement and read, "-God," at the end, so maybe I hadn't fallen asleep, maybe I had lapsed into a momentary hate coma.
I wish I had come up with "hate coma" but I didn't, as far as I know the first time I heard it was from JSK3, but who knows. If you're not clear yet, a hate coma is what you experience when you see someone letting their two-year-old crawl around the floor of the local Long John Silvers.
I might experience hate comas more frequently than others because I think I'm better than others. I'm not sure where that comes from, where I've adopted this sense of grandeur, but it's there. Sometimes it can be a problem, especially when there's the cold reality that there isn't anything all that great about me, that's just the product I sell. I even assume I have more hate comas than others, it can really get out of hand.
But I think people love the product, they buy the brand. I think this, because people make assumptions about me that aren't true, or half-true. But I guess everyone's heard themselves in a story that they didn't take place in. And I guess everyone's heard something like, "Remember when...," yet, that person wasn't there, or sometimes hadn't even been born.
When people ask me if it was hard for me during the Depression, I just half-smile and show them the knot of bread ties in the second drawer. I mutter something about old habits, assumptions are made, and I haven't really lied about anything.
It's the shaking I can't control, or...you've heard that somewhere.