Black (Iron) Hole

My head is up under the bathroom sink and I'm trying to think of a way out of my current situation.

There's a visible hole in the bridge, the adaptor from plastic to galvanized. Despite it's tiny size it leaks like...I want to say "someone screaming for their mom on the battlefield" but that's a little heavy for a pipe leak...so it leaks like the bane of my existence. There, just the right amount of heavy.

I've tried using the plumber's epoxy but it was novice work, at best. At worst it was an utter failure. It's a hole, a goddam hole in the goddam pipe and I'm about to send my foot though the wall. I will replace every length of pipe in this goddam house even if I have to pull the pipe out of the ground itself. Even if I have to go to Egypt. I don't know why that keeps coming up in my mind, that this plumbing job I've gotten myself into will somehow involve Egypt. Maybe it's the cover of today's TIME that seeped into my head.

I'm scared to get the pipe wrench out because if I start cranking on the pipe it's going to twist something else apart down there and the twisting doesn't stop. What if I twist the universe? Could I smooth it back out again? After ensuring the bathroom sink works in the fashion I've grown accustomed to? Not great but not leaking water all over the damn place?

Also, I'm scared that once I get the piece off, there's no way a new adaptor will go back into its place; the threads could be damaged in the process. So, I've been hunched under the sink staring at whatever the yellow beam of the flashlight happens on. This is my spirit journey. My world revolves around this. Galileo was wrong...or Copernicus? Cut me some slack for not Google-ing it.

Where did this hole come from? Everything was going so well. I'm an American. I'm a white, American male, I really didn't see this coming. I'm only supposed to be blogging about hypothetical leaks, not actual.

I swear the elbow down there is black iron, not galvanized. What the hell kind've circus tent am I living in?

Maybe I keep thinking of Egypt because of that movie, Stargate. Remember what the bad guy says at the end?

"I am not amused."