Help Wanted

One day Dorge went to the gym to workout. It was nice and sunny out.

Dorge has a special card that lets him into the gym, it is green and shiny. But that day Dorge didn't have his card because the gym was making him a brand new card. The new card would be bright orange and raise his membership fee by four dollars a month, forty-eight dollars a year.

Because he no longer had the green card, and the orange card wasn't ready yet, Dorge would have to tell a member of the gym staff who he was, so that they could sign him in on the gym's membership computer.

But when Dorge went inside and approached the check-in area, he saw someone in his way. Dorge thought this person was a dumb bitch, because he heard her asking the same question over and over again and because she was in no way dressed to workout, anyways.

Normally Dorge wouldn't care who asked what questions, but this time the person was taking up the time of the person who would have to check him in to the check-in computer. Dorge really wished his new orange card was ready so that he would not have had to talk to anyone.

When Dorge starts to get upset, he does not like to stand close to people. Dorge had a deep-seeded fear that the person asking all the questions would see him standing close to her and turn to ask him questions. Dorge thinks his head would explode if this were to happen.

To make sure his head wouldn't explode, Dorge turned around and walked back outside. It was still nice and sunny.

For a while, Dorge stood outside the gym to wait for the check-in area to be free of other patrons. Despite being upset, Dorge understood that the person asking all the questions had a right to do so.

While standing outside, a van pulled up to the curb to deposit someone in a wheelchair to the gym. Dorge was scared that if the person in the wheelchair somehow toppled over, he would be expected to help them back up. Since no one was around to see him be a hero, Dorge was not interested in this nightmare scenario.

So Dorge started walking back to his car, glad that the gym was so crowded that day, he had to park far away.

Worried that someone would think he was walking in an aloof manner, Dorge walked with purpose so that if anyone was looking they would assume that Dorge had left something vitally important in his vehicle.

When Dorge reached his car, he popped open the trunk and started digging around. Dorge looked into a bucket, opened a satchel, shrugged, and tried out an expression he hoped made him look puzzled.

Finally Dorge shut the trunk and walked back to the gym.

The dumb bitch was still confused about capitolism.

Since no one was paying attention, Dorge decided to just walk into the gym. If the check-in person would have said Hey You Have To Check In, Dorge would have lost his shit.

In reality, Dorge would have made soft pleasant noises and tried to say his name in a clear voice so the person could enter it into the computer. Dorge was afraid it might sound like he was mumbling, trying to talk past the hate marbles that were in his mouth.

That did not happen, so Dorge continued into the gym so that he could use the eliptical machine.

There were two men standing in the way, with their backs to Dorge. Dorge thought that these were two fuck-tards. Dorge had to manuver inbetween the two fuck-tards in order to reach the elipticals. Dorge knew that the men would turn at the exact moment he was trying to pass and bump into him.

Resigned to his fate, Dorge walked into the dance that was going to happen no matter what. The dance involved Hey Sorry Buddy and patting. Dorge hates being patted even more than being told Bless You when he sneezes.

Dorge thought about Job. Dorge imagined the Devil saying to God, I Bet I Can Get Dorge To Stab Someone.